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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/24825265">I Wish</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/MakennaSweets1967/pseuds/MakennaSweets1967'>MakennaSweets1967</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Supernatural</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst and Feels, Gen, I APOLOGIZE, M/M, Sad Castiel (Supernatural), Sad Ending, Wishes</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-06-20</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-06-20</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-04 03:48:29</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>757</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/24825265</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/MakennaSweets1967/pseuds/MakennaSweets1967</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>That one photo where Cas says ”i wish circumstances were different” but expanded and sad.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>CasDean, Castiel/Dean Winchester, Destiel</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>6</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>I Wish</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Welcome to hell it's me.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>”I wish circumstances were different,” I said at that moment I meant it. </p><p>I wish I wasn't an angel. I wish I could have dinner with you without the food tasting like molecules. Or that I could sleep beside you every night. That I could get tipsy after a few drinks and laugh with you. I wish I could grow old with you. </p><p>I wish you weren't a hunter. That you hadn't watched your mother burn on the ceiling, and your father turn cold. I wish you didn't have to raise Sam. I wish you weren't traumatized and hurt too bad to let anyone in. </p><p>I wish we could be different. That I could love you without consequence. Love you without fear of rejection, fear of losing you. </p><p>I wish I could hold your hand as we walk. I could embrace you whenever I wanted. I wish we could kiss. I wish I could grip you as tight as I did when I raised you from perdition and call you mine. </p><p>I wish monsters didn't exist, that there we no more wars. I wish we weren't torn apart by a quarrel between heaven and hell. Constantly fighting, to what end. I gave up everything I knew for you and still, the fighting didn't end. I wish my father would come back and save the world he built not leaving it to us. I wish I didn't have to choose, but I'll always choose you. </p><p>I wish we didn't have armies, people, depending on us. That the weight of the world didn't rest on our shoulders. </p><p>I wish you could set aside your father's limited views. The way he forced them onto you forced you to be his punching bag. I wish you could love me back. </p><p>I wish we could have a white picket fence. Go to work every day with golden bands on our fingers. We could have a child to call our own. We could family holidays with Sam and his wife and children. I wish we could have a perfect life. </p><p>I wish every good thing didn't come with some kind of complication. That our happiness didn't come at a price. </p><p>I wish I could wake up knowing you were safe, you were alive. I wish I didn't have to burn my wings to save you. I wish we could live not just survive. </p><p>I wish after a long life we could find peace in our own heaven. </p><p>I wish I was just Cas, and you were just Dean. </p><p>I wish circumstances were different. But they aren't. </p><p>I am an angel. Food still tastes like molecules, and I don't require sleep. A liquor store is barely enough to get me drunk. I won't grow old, and you probably won't either. </p><p>You are a hunter. Your mother did burn on that ceiling and your father grew cold. You had to raise Sam alone. You are traumatized, hurt, unable to let anyone in. </p><p>We aren't different. Loving you breeds consequence, and my fears can be confirmed. </p><p>I can't hold your hand as we walk. I can only embrace you when we are on the brink of death or back. I can't kiss you or call you mine. </p><p>Monsters do exist, and there will always be a war, heaven and hell pulling us apart.  Fighting to no end. My father won't come back to save the world. I will always have to choose, at least I know my choice is the right one. </p><p>We do have armies and people depending on us. The weight of the world does rest on our shoulders. </p><p>You can't find it in you to see past your father's views. You will never love me back, you can't. </p><p>That white picket fence is a delusion. The golden bands, a fever dream. No children in this life, holidays are just another day. We will never have a perfect life. </p><p>Good things come with strings. Our happiness at a price. </p><p>I can never be sure you are safe that when I return you will still be alive. My wings are burnt from the flames of hell. We only are able to survive. </p><p>Our life won't be long and once we part it will be to separate places. No heaven, no peace in sight. </p><p>I am Castiel and you are Dean Winchester. </p><p>Maybe in another life, we could have it all. Maybe in another life, we could love and be happy. </p><p>I knew you felt it too, you wished it too. </p><p>Maybe if circumstances were different.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>*cries a bit* Sorry I have only despair to bring you. And I also lost all ability to speak apparently. Thanks for reading, stay strong, and keep fighting. <br/>      - Makenna Sweets</p></blockquote></div></div>
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